Dear Evie,

So currently, you’re sprawled across both of my legs, fast asleep. Cbeebies finished ages ago, and I’m sat in silence. I’m also busting for a pee, but that doesn’t matter – I’m just enjoying this moment. Mammy hasn’t been feeling so well lately. And I’m sorry for that, but I just want you to know I will never let it ruin our connection. You keep me going everyday, with your oh-so-cute laugh and your amazing smile. I don’t think you realise how much you help me pull myself together – whenever I’m feeling down, it takes seconds for me to come back up to the surface once I’ve had one of your cuddles.

The day you told me you loved me off your own back was the best day. I felt like such a failure, and I felt like I was constantly letting you down. But when you looked up at me and said “I wuv oo”, it made me crumble into teeny tiny peices. It made me realise that none of my bad days matter to you. You have your Mammy, and you love her no matter what.

I’m trying each and every day to push through all of the bad. I know I need to get back to my ‘normal’ self for you, and if that means putting myself into situations that I know make me scared or anxious, then so be it. I WILL come out on the other side of all this, even if it takes a long time.

I love you so much, Princess. You complete me and make me the happiest person on this planet, even if it might not seem that way. Being your Mammy is the best thing in the world, and I thank you for helping me through this, even though you don’t know that you are.

Love, Mammy x